What better time to make a comeback than when I'm raging with anger. Except it's not really anger that I'm feeling ... it's more of a frustration. Annoyance ... wonder ... awe ... unbelief that I've been banging my head off the proverbial wall and well all I'm left with are sore spots. I come here because there are words I need to say.
Conversations in my world are mostly one sided and they'll go well so long as you are in agreement with the other party. If you're not ... well ... your efforts will be futile. You'll be shut down ... drown out and overpowered. A simple request of spending less time doing 'this' and more doing 'that' will result in an outpouring of words that render you a useless piece of shit who wouldn't be able to be a good mother if her life depended upon it.
Luckily I'm smarter than that and I know the difference. I know my children love me and I them and I know that I do everything to the very best of my ability and yes ... sometimes I do make mistakes but that doesn't give anyone the right to belittle me.
Yesterday marked eighteen years of marriage.
No one said happy anniversary ... no one said I love you ... I made a feeble attempt at a nice dinner but well ... it's not easy to drag someone away from their karaoke booth in the garage.
I cried most of the day because ... what the hell?! What did I do?
... and why am I always supposed to carry all the blame for all the things on my shoulders?
The time has come for me to walk away ...
... because I deserve better than that.